My husband's job is making me mental. I'm not joking. I am trapped in a cycle of ups and downs that is getting worse all the time. Let me explain why. Before I do, however, I should warn you. You'll seldom get a heartfelt emotional post from me, but this is one. Feel free to stop reading at any time.
Two years ago my husband was offered a job. He was unhappy where he was working and this looked like a great opportunity. It was a start-up company offering more pay and stock options. The only drawback-- it was away from home. Not sure about what would happen with this company, I plainly told Nathan, "I'm not moving." I regret that now.
At first he worked two and a half hours away. It was too far for a daily commute, so he stayed there during his work week. He works seven days on and seven days off. But, it wasn't too far, and his sister lives thirty miles from his job site, so when I got really lonely, I'd just drive down and visit his sister, let the kids play with the cousins and go stay with Nathan at night.
Then the company moved him to a site five hours away from me, a ten-hour round trip. He's been there almost eighteen months. Every week it gets harder to let him go. I cry for the entire first day that he's gone. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I get so depressed to see him walk out the door, I can hardly stand to get out of bed in the morning. So why don't we move? Our house has been on the market for six months and we have had no offers. We just dropped the price, but nothing has happened.
I had the blind faith that when we put the house on the market after so long apart, we would get a miracle and it would sell quickly even in this slow housing market. Well, guess what? No miracles. We decided we'd move anyway. We would pay a mortgage and rent, but we couldn't find anywhere in the small town where he works that was big enough for our family. It has felt like one stumbling block after another, which leads me to wonder if we should just stay. But, I don't know how I can take being away from him anymore. My lows are getting lower, and even when he's here, I'm stressed all the time because the clock is ticking until he's gone again.
In July, he took vacation time and had 21 days off. Suddenly the world felt right again. I loved waking up next to him every morning and dealing with all the kids' stuff together. When the vacation ended, it was crushing. It's even harder when he goes now. I simply cannot understand why the Lord won't open a way for us to be together. September 15th is two years he's had this job. He's missed a year of our kids' lives, a week here and a week there. That's unfair to them and it's unfair to him.
The bottom line is, we need him. I need him. Whatever it takes, we need to be a family again.
Pigs And Dogs
2 days ago
I'm so sorry this is so hard for you. On days like today I totally get what you mean. Hopefully whatever is in the plan for you it will happen soon, so you can have a peaceful heart agian. Call me if you need too!
ReplyDeleteThis was SO heartfelt Michelle, I can feel your pain through the words.
ReplyDeleteI have a good friend (Jeff McClure's wife, Jenn) that lived like this for 9 years. She tried very hard to put on a brave face, but I know that was one of the most challenging things in her life. 2 years ago, she and her husband both had finally had enough and they knew they needed to do whatever it took to be a family again, so after much prayer and fasting, they decided to open their own business.
It was a hard decision, and I won't say that it's been all roses and puppy dogs since then, but it has made all the difference for them. They are together again, and that is definitely what is most important.
I hope that you guys will be able to find a solution very soon.
I don't know if you read Marilyn's (Mathews) blog, but she has a saying that she says often, "I can do hard things". I would say that this saying could easily describe you too. You are doing such a hard thing, and are still a wonderful mother and wife. One day your children will thank you for all of the incredible sacrifices that you have made on their behalf.
You are an incredible woman Michelle. I've known thatsince we first met. I can tell you, unfortunately from experience, that the saying the Lord doesn't give you more than you can handle is true. Granted it's miserable learning you can handle it. Last sunday someone put it as "going thru your own gehtsemine". He lets us experience a samll part of what he felt to help us make it back. I know you heard it a hundred times but it hit me differently when it was said this way. I don't wish any heartache on anyone, especially not you. YOU ARE MAKING IT AND YOU ARE DOING GOOD. I see your beautiful children and hear of all the great things you do with them. I wish I could be half as great as a mother as you are. With or without Nathan, YOU are doing the best you can and THAT is all that's asked of you. Hang in there and know that your loved. I think of you often.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you have stood it this long. I rely on my husband so much to help me and support me and just ease the stress of life. I am hoping and praying that a way opens up for you soon. You are a strong person and I know that you will be blessed for all that you have done to be the good mother and wife that you are with all the trials you have faced.
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