Waiting and Waiting

I sent another query last week, and the agent liked it. She requested the first fifty pages of the novel and a synopsis. (This is pretty normal. They don't read the whole book unless they like the first fifty pages.) So, I mailed out a small part of my novel and I'm waiting again. Always waiting, it seems. Always wishing and hoping. Maybe this time....... maybe.

Fallen

I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon, big time. What is wrong with me? Well, a lot I guess.

For starters, my manuscript has been rejected AGAIN. First I cry, then I get depressed and angry and then I level off to downright determined. So, I sent it off again, and I'll cry some more when I get yet another rejection letter. Let me tell you, this is a long, exhausting road. I have no sympathy for someone who gets a lucky break and gets published within six months. That is not how it works for the majority of writers.

Next: No matter how you dice it, this house is too small for six people, and thus is always in a state of disarray. This is depressing and makes me feel like a failure because I cannot seem to keep even this small space clean. The laundry always ends up on my bed, and if doesn't get folded and put away, it ends up in my closet, so I can't find my shoes. The only thing I do really like about his house (other than the fact that our only neighbors are family) is that it has a master bathroom, so I don't have to use the same toilet as the boys. Anyone who has boys knows why, and anyone who doesn't can guess.

I keep wondering where this year has gone. I was looking back through last year's blog posts. I can hardly believe they were a year ago. By this time last year, I was finished with all my Christmas shopping. This year, I haven't even started. I usually have plans for fall and winter; this year I'm just floundering day-by-day. I keep thinking that eventually, I will get a handle on my life again, but so far, it hasn't happened. Somewhere in all this upheaval and moving and uncertainty, I feel like I've lost myself. I lost the life I was good at living, and now I'm drowning, not quite sure what I'm supposed to be doing.

One of these days I'll have bright things to blog about again, and then, maybe, I will start posting everyday. :)