Slow on the Post

To anyone who's still reading regularly, I'm sorry I've been slow on posting lately. The sad thing is that I don't feel like there was anything special going on. Life just wore me out this week.

We finished smoothing out our basement walls and painted one with sealer. Two coats took all the sealer we'd bought, or we would have done more. The first wall was sort of an experiment to see how much we needed to buy. That project took most of Josie's nap times all week long, but that's not why I'm exhausted.

Josie is getting four molars at once. It's so strange. She skipped the eye teeth and went straight to molars. There's a gap where the eye teeth should be and three really swollen places where the molars are coming in. One already broke through. To compliment her teething, she always gets a runny nose and at night her ears hurt. So, she's been up a good deal of every night this week. Last night Nathan and I crashed around 8:30 as soon as we got the kids to bed. I fell right to sleep, only to have Josie wake me up around ten. Nathan had to get up at three AM to go to work, so I took Josie downstairs to the guest bedroom. She didn't go back to sleep until two in the morning. An hour later, I heard Nathan get up, so I went out to see him off. When I came back to the guest bedroom, Josie was awake again. I couldn't take anymore, so I took her up to her crib and I slept in my own bed. The boys woke her again around seven when they got up for school.

My house has deteriorated into chaos once again, and I was planning to get it all cleaned up while the kids were at school, but I am so exhausted, I can't seem to get myself moving on the mountain of dishes that need to be washed or clean laundry that needs to be folded. Instead, I'm here blogging about my exhaustion.

Today our prayers are with my step-dad, who is still recovering at home after a nineteen day hospital stay, and with my brother-in-law and his wife, whose identical twin boys were delivered yesterday in an emergency C-section. One is only two pounds, while the other is four pounds. They expect the babies to be in the hospital at least a month, and that is all I really know. When I talked to my mother-in-law, they said they were doing well, but it was too soon to tell if the little one will be developmentally delayed.

Finally, I probably shouldn't vent about this publicly, but I came home from church last Sunday and began to wonder if the Lord would understand if I went inactive simply because I'm tired. My calling has me physically, spiritually and emotionally tapped out. We moved into this little branch three and a half years ago, and almost immediately they put me into the primary. This was sort of funny since I'd never had a primary calling before. In fact, my husband had had three separate primary callings, but I had never been in primary. (Convert, you know.) I have been in primary ever since. They paroled me to Young Women's for six months, but sent me back when they changed the presidency. I've served under four different primary presidents. Everyone one else that was in there when I started has long since moved on, and I'm still stuck there. Once a great sister in our branch was released from her Sunday school calling and we asked to have her in primary. We were told that calling her into primary "would be a waste of her talents." So, what does that make me?

My sister and her husband are going to be home visiting my mom this weekend. I so much want to pack up the kids and go, but I can't. Why? Because we have to practice the primary program and other sisters in primary are already scheduled to be gone. I decided a long time ago that I've reached the point in my life where it's no longer about what I need from the church, but what the church needs from me. I accept that. But sometimes, it would be nice to get a little oil in my own lamp on Sunday. Top this off with the fact that the primary president said in her testimony last fast Sunday something about me having a stubborn streak and that we butt heads on occasion. I smiled at her, but inside I was thinking, "I've done EVERYTHING she's asked me to do in this calling. What makes me so hard to get along with?" None of the other primary presidents had a problem with me. If she doesn't like my, why not RELEASE me! I'd be happy to go.

Seriously, inactivity looks good about now.