Coming out of Hiding

There is something to be said about keeping family trials private. My husband is particularly sensitive to this-- whether it's me or the kids or whatever, we generally choose to face our trials quietly. Still, it seems that EVERYONE in the world already knows, so what difference does it make if I comment about our current predicament on my blog? We went to church and the ENTIRE branch knew. At school, all the other parents know. I've gottenfacebook messages from Nathan's cousins in other states who have already heard the news. Our days of hiding were few. So, here goes.... Nathan lost his job.

He showed up at work last Friday, and they said he was laid off-- no severance, no notice, just "thanks for wasting two years of your life with us, and see you later." This is part of the reason why our house has been on the market for nearly a year. We were trying to prepare for a day like this, so if he lost his job, we could go wherever he found another one. Well, to date, we still have no offers on the house. Every job he's applied for is far away. His old employer (which was our fall back plan) is struggling and also laying people off, so there's no chance of getting back on with them. All of this happened on the twelfth. Thirteen days before Christmas.

Two weeks ago I had a dream. I woke in the middle of the night and Nathan was home. Josie was crying, and he went in to see her. I said, "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at work." He replied, "I got laid off." In my dream I feel back to sleep and woke again. He was still there beside me, so I knew it wasn't a dream. The next morning before opening my eyes, I felt Nathan's side of the bed to make sure it was empty, and it was. My relief wasindescribable.

We'd heard through the grape vine that the company was planning more lay-offs. For about a week we worried ourselves sick. The day before Nathan got his notice, we were both nearly ill with the stress of it. On Friday when he found out, I cried all morning. I'd been fasting that he would be able to keep his job and if he didn't that we'd get enough severance to get by until he found another one. We received neither of those things. What I received was peace. I got on my knees and told my Heavenly Father how afraid I was, and asked Him to help me face this trial with grace.

By the time Nathan got home from the job site, my tears were dry, and I knew we would be okay. Financially, who knows? We may lose everything, but there are somethings we cannot lose. No one can take away the covenants we've made to each other and our Heavenly Father. No one can take away our education. I'm still a teacher and he's still an electrician, and even if we had to start over with nothing, we'd be better off than where we were when we first got married, because now we have employable skills. While Montana and Washington would not issue me a certificate without additional training, the state of Wyoming would, and I'd make nearly double there anyway. So, I told Nathan that if he has to take a lower-paying job, he should do it in Wyoming. (His sister has already enthusiastically volunteered to have Josie if I need to get a job. Can you tell her youngest is growing up too fast?)

Overall we've been pleased with the job postings we've seen. Nathan has applied for some great jobs, but the waiting is killing us. Especially at this time of year, employers are slow to close postings and slow to move on the interview process. One job he applied for closes today. It's the first. Some others don't even close until the end of the year.

On Sunday, I was teary all through Sacrament meeting. I wonder if the branch presidency was inspired to choose the speakers and topics for us. Traci spoke on adversity. I remember one part of her talk very clearly. The gist of it was this: if we are really in tune with the Lord and trust him completely, we would be grateful for our trials because it is an opportunity for the Lord to bless us.

The first day that Nathan was home, our phone rang off the hook, mostly calls from guys he worked with who were sorry to see him go and eager to help him find another job. People have been very kind. Of course, no one can fix this for us, but we have been supported by our friends and family. For that I'm very grateful. I think trials give people a chance to love you and to show it as they normally would not.

We debated whether or not we should still travel home to Washington for Christmas. However, I don't think we could stand to stay cooped up in the house for the entire winter break-- and I do mean cooped up. Forget playing outside in the snow, because it's been below zero nearly everyday for a week. If there is one blessing in this, it's that we can come home sooner. Here is another blessing: Nathan will be here for Christmas. He was scheduled to work Christmas day.

And, I have to throw this in just because you'll all laugh. I've had a sinus infection for weeks, and it's finally healing. Add to that stress, fasting and more stress. I've lost eight pounds. I told my sister, and she replied, "I want a sinus infection!" She's never had one, and I assured her that, no she doesn't. Still, it's one less thing bringing me down. I may be broke, but I look better in my jeans than I did two weeks ago!