Good-bye For Now

Tonight is my last night blogging from my home in Montana. When next I write I'll be writing from my new home in another state, although I'm not sure how long it will take me to get back online. When I come back, I'll make sure I have nice things to say about our new city and our new life. It will be okay. I wasn't sad today at all until my friend Kathy gave me hug good-bye, and then I got tears in my eyes. She was the first person to make me feel like I belonged here. Plus, she's so much like Janae', I loved her immediately.

My house is full of boxes, and there's still so much to pack. We're still washing laundry and folding clothes. My sink still holds dishes that need to be washed. The biggest job on my mind, though is the clean-up after we get our stuff out. UGH! All of the kitchen cupboards need major attention, vacuuming up crumbs and wiping out spills. It's amazing how dirty your own house is when you look with a stranger's eye. I want to get the window sills washed out and the fingerprints off the panes. It make take me all afternoon to clean after we're loaded. I will, however, have the help of my amazing mother-in-law, and that woman knows how to clean!

So, wish me luck! Off we go..... at least we won't miss the wind!

I Seriously Considered....

I seriously considered giving up blogging.

When I started this blog in June, life was good. Things were going so well for us. I had lots of witty and optimistic things to say. Now life sort of stinks, and I don't feel like sharing. So, I wondered, "Should I just bag the blog altogether?" I had this meltdown yesterday... and the day before... and sort of this morning, too. But tonight, I'm feeling okay, so I'll dump on you all some more.

We are definitely moving. On Monday. No, our house did not sell. We're just leaving it empty, paying the mortgage (GULP) and moving.

Last Wednesday, Nathan received a job offer. It was the first, but also a very good offer. He told them he wanted to think about it. That was the big sigh. Okay, we will have a job again. It will be soon, but wait.... is this the right offer? We thought and waited and prayed and hoped. On Sunday we fasted. We had to give them an answer by Monday. Every time I'd try to figure out the dollars and cents of this move and the new job and a mortgage plus rent, I got so stressed that I'd start to cry. Then, I'd pray about it and ask if it was the right choice, and I'd have peace. Finally, on Sunday Nathan and I decided that we would take the offer.

His former employer had called back on New Years Day and said that they would like to have Nathan back, but they weren't in the financial circumstance to rehire him. If they got more money, he'd be the first guy they hired. We held out hope, but they didn't call before our deadline, so we knew it was time to stop hoping and move on. He's been out of work for almost six weeks. We need a job.

On Monday we went to the new state and began looking for a house to rent. I was so overwhelmed by the city. I've lived in small towns too long. The entire time we were there, I was weepy. Nathan looked at me and said, "You have got to pull yourself together." I KNOW! What was with me? I was just so freaked out by the fact that my kids are going to be just another chair in a classroom instead of really mattering to their teachers. That they're going to have to learn to never leave their bikes out or they'll be stolen. That they can never take their favorite toy to school, or it won't be coming home again. This is stuff we haven't had to deal with in our little haven town. My boys' teachers actually got tears in their eyes when I told them we were leaving. People here love us like we've never been loved before. I hate to give it up. I don't know why this is the course that the Lord set us on, but we'll go where we have to go.

So, this week we're packing. On Monday, Nathan is scheduled to pick up the Uhaul. By Tuesday afternoon, we'll be gone. Wednesday morning, we'll be unpacking in our new home.

The thing is, I should be excited about all this. There are some great benefits to this move:
1. A temple only minutes away
2. A lot more LDS kids for my kids to be friends with
3. A steady job that is NOT in a mine
4. A house that is across the street from the school-- I will be able to look out the living room window and watch the kids come out of the school building.
5. No more driving 80 miles to go grocery shopping.
6. A ward big enough that you'll only be asked to speak every other year or so. ;)
7. I'll actually get to see my husband everyday.
8. More mountain biking than Nathan could dream of
9. We won't have to plan a family vacation because there's enough to do without going anywhere.
10. Really good benefits, and great hospitals close by

See, this should be a good thing for us. It's just that this farm girl likes open spaces and neighbors who actually know her name. Maybe someday we'll have that again. But seriously, I'm such a hermit most of the time I had to ask myself why I care if I have friends there. I don't do stuff with my friends now. I can still call Michelle everyday if I want, just like I still call my mom and my sister almost everyday now. So, here we go-- a new city, a new ward, a house that isn't as nice as the one we have now. It will be all right. I haven't cried in hours. Maybe tomorrow I won't cry at all.

Sigh!!!!!

There is light at the end of this dark tunnel. I'll fill you in soon. And, I have to start packing.

Developing My Talents

When Mazie was in Sunbeams, her teacher was great at braiding hair. After the lessons were done, she'd braid Mazie's hair for fun. Mazie came home several times and asked me why I couldn't do her hair like that. Well, I know the general concept of braiding, but I've never practiced much. Mazie has never stood still long enough for me to do more than run a brush through her hair. There were months along the way, when it was a fight just to let me touch her hair, and she always looked like some wild street urchin.

It got to the point that I'd say on Sunday morning, "Mazie, let me do your hair," and she'd reply, "No, I'll just have Tracy do it."

Finally, I told her that I could learn to braid if she'd let me, but it would take me longer than it takes Tracy. She agreed and was excited to let me braid her hair. One nice thing is that she can't see how bad it looks. She just see the front, and it basically looks the same. Mostly we started with just a single French braid. Occasionally, she'll ask for different things. These are pictures of our latest, bangs-only braid.

It's been months since the last time she wanted a braid. This past summer she saw someone with pixie braids (Mazie calls them may braids, but I'm not sure if that's the right term) and wanted me to do that. The braids are crooked, but she didn't care.Now, if I can only learn to braid my own hair!

Winter Wonderland

As I downloaded my pictures onto my computer today, I found these I took of the trees while we were in Washington. They were so beautiful, I had to capture them. It looks like a true winter wonderland, perfectly flocked for the holidays. After all the snow, it seemed like everyone was blogging pictures of their kids sledding. We did go sledding in the sand dunes. My husband was trying to kill me, I think. I found the highest, fastest hill our four-wheeler could climb and made it into the sledding hill. I had been going down in a plastic sled, and he handed me an inner tube and said, "Try this. It's faster." It was faster, all right. I hit some sand, flipped and landed on my head. My neck is still sore two weeks later. When the kids had enough of the dunes, we pulled them around in the field. This is a farm version of a sled......When they get going, they really pull the four-wheeler around. I think there were about ten kids in the tank. The less rowdy crowd stayed by the house. I was the pull horse for them. When Josie got cold, Mazie took over pulling Benjamin.

Another Re-write

While visiting my mom at Christmas, I hatched a plan for a major revision of my novel. Mom liked the ideas we discussed, but I was still a little apprehensive. Would it really make it a better book? So, tonight I called my sister-in-law, who was the first person to read the manuscript and discussed the plan with her. When I started telling her about the scenes I was planning, she was sold that yes, it would be a better book, but I had to let her read the new manuscript when it was done.

I'd planned to start writing tonight, but here I am surfing blogs instead, and part of me wonders if the revision process will ever end. That would be the nicest thing about having a book published. It would be done once and for all! That said, I'm excited about the changes I have planned, and I SOOOO need a writing escape right now.

Amy J., I still want your feedback, so keep reading. I'll tell you about the changes when you're done.

Quote of the Day

The other day I said to Josie, "Where are you going?"

She said, "Dinky!" (Stinky.) The funny part is that she wasn't stinky. She's just learned that "going" and "stinky" go together. She's so very cute. I guess it makes it worth it when I find her dumping an entire bag of pretzels on the floor and emptying out the garbage cans.

Right now she's sitting behind me with a mixing bowl of left-over popcorn and a big grin on her face. Yesterday she learned to say Mazie's name. Ethan was stalking through the house with a Nerf gun saying, "Mazie! Mazie!" I turned around to hear Josie in her high chair saying, "May-nee!"

I said, "Is that your sister?"

Josie said, "Pretty!" Pretty was one of her first words, and she's always called Mazie "pretty".