I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon, big time. What is wrong with me? Well, a lot I guess.
For starters, my manuscript has been rejected AGAIN. First I cry, then I get depressed and angry and then I level off to downright determined. So, I sent it off again, and I'll cry some more when I get yet another rejection letter. Let me tell you, this is a long, exhausting road. I have no sympathy for someone who gets a lucky break and gets published within six months. That is not how it works for the majority of writers.
Next: No matter how you dice it, this house is too small for six people, and thus is always in a state of disarray. This is depressing and makes me feel like a failure because I cannot seem to keep even this small space clean. The laundry always ends up on my bed, and if doesn't get folded and put away, it ends up in my closet, so I can't find my shoes. The only thing I do really like about his house (other than the fact that our only neighbors are family) is that it has a master bathroom, so I don't have to use the same toilet as the boys. Anyone who has boys knows why, and anyone who doesn't can guess.
I keep wondering where this year has gone. I was looking back through last year's blog posts. I can hardly believe they were a year ago. By this time last year, I was finished with all my Christmas shopping. This year, I haven't even started. I usually have plans for fall and winter; this year I'm just floundering day-by-day. I keep thinking that eventually, I will get a handle on my life again, but so far, it hasn't happened. Somewhere in all this upheaval and moving and uncertainty, I feel like I've lost myself. I lost the life I was good at living, and now I'm drowning, not quite sure what I'm supposed to be doing.
One of these days I'll have bright things to blog about again, and then, maybe, I will start posting everyday. :)
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I have fallen off the blog wagon too. Finally got back on today. I too have also felt like this year + in Mattawa has been a blur of day to day but not much accomplished. I hope to finally start Christmas shopping tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI think it's the whole grieving process... you lost your life, and you have to grieve for it and some day you will heal up and be ready for a new life, but right now your still in mourning, at least that's how I feel. Hang in there! And hopefully I spelled all that correctly because my brain is sleepy.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Michelle! You are doing so much, and so much of it is new. I am so impressed by ANYONE who home-schools, which you are doing and not just for your own child! Anyone with a child under the age of 4 has to cut themselves some major slack. If your family has even semi-clean clothes to wear than you can count laundry as 'done'. I can't tell you how many times I have done laundry late at night because I realize Alex will have no pants to wear the next day if I don't do a load! Look at the big picture: your family is loved, fed, housed. You CANNED this year for heavens sake! You rock ;-)
ReplyDeleteUgh! I meant "then you can count laundry..." Mistakes like that bug me ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt always takes me at least a whole year to start feeling settled again, and I've moved a lot too! Keep your nose up and go bake something yummy!
ReplyDeletePlease don't ever feel alone. In case you didn't notice I have several months over the past year where I didn't blog. I realized today that each and every one of those times were high stress periods where i didn't feel like I had a grip on anything. The house, the kids, my job, myself, Everthing. There are days I can't even remeber what I did. I must have been on auto pilot. I say thank goodness this year has flown by cause heaven knows its been hard. Hang in there, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your manuscript being rejected... that has got to be hard. Moving and life being turned up side down doesn't help either. It will get better soon i'm sure... :)
ReplyDeleteI think this happens as our kids get older cause I am often feeling the same things. I also think life is seriously going faster, or at least it sure seems to be.
ReplyDelete